Feeling Fickle

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!” 

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning.  How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement

from  “The Problem with ‘Boys Will Be Boys’” by Sorya Chemaly

(via spooky-femme)

Window doppelgänger picture. #abouttocallthepaparazzionmyself

nivrionerom:

feelingfickle:

mandytakesatumbl:

edwardspoonhands:

tyleroakley:

Oops.

lolololol

For some reason this pisses me off. I mean, not that she’s an athiest. That’s fine. But everyone’s reblogging this like “BOOM, WOLF BLITZER, NOT EVERYBODY GOTTA THANK THE LORD.” I feel like she also could’ve just said “We’re very thankful.” And left it at that.

Whatever, I don’t know.

Here’s my thought on that. And I don’t in any way mean it to be insulting to religious people.

She said she’s an atheist because she is. It is an integral part of who she is just like religion is to others. She doesn’t have to thank the Lord (MY IPOD WON’T LET ME NOT CAPS THAT OH MY GOD AUTOCORRECT) just like you don’t have to thank Shiva. And by just saying “We’re thankful” she would be DENYING that integral part of who she is just so someone feels comfortable. We’ve learned not to expect that from religious people (which in the case of many like you, my friend, is not a problem) so I think religious people shouldn’t expect it from us. To me this is similar to denying your sexuality or origins or ethnicity just so someone who made an assumption doesn’t feel awkward. He’s the one who brought up religion. Not her. And it was mildly inappropriate of him.

The other thing is that this snippet doesn’t even show the part where he’s like, “Whoops, my bad!” and she responds with “I don’t blame anyone with thanking the lord.”

Besides the tv is ALWAYS filled with people thanking god  and whatnot, it’s nice to have someone represent those of us who don’t believe in a god of some sort. 

What Irvin said.

doctorwho:

Donna.

Doctor Who Series 4: The Unicorn and The Wasp

(Source: mad-impossible-doctor)

mandytakesatumbl:

edwardspoonhands:

tyleroakley:

Oops.

lolololol

For some reason this pisses me off. I mean, not that she’s an athiest. That’s fine. But everyone’s reblogging this like “BOOM, WOLF BLITZER, NOT EVERYBODY GOTTA THANK THE LORD.” I feel like she also could’ve just said “We’re very thankful.” And left it at that.

Whatever, I don’t know.

Here’s my thought on that. And I don’t in any way mean it to be insulting to religious people.

She said she’s an atheist because she is. It is an integral part of who she is just like religion is to others. She doesn’t have to thank the Lord (MY IPOD WON’T LET ME NOT CAPS THAT OH MY GOD AUTOCORRECT) just like you don’t have to thank Shiva. And by just saying “We’re thankful” she would be DENYING that integral part of who she is just so someone feels comfortable. We’ve learned not to expect that from religious people (which in the case of many like you, my friend, is not a problem) so I think religious people shouldn’t expect it from us. To me this is similar to denying your sexuality or origins or ethnicity just so someone who made an assumption doesn’t feel awkward. He’s the one who brought up religion. Not her. And it was mildly inappropriate of him.

Brian Eno (via jessiethatcher)

I could reblog/post this every day as a constant reminder.

(via notational)

And I’m sticking it up here for people who define the “good” in Make good art in ways that I definitely didn’t intend…

(via amandapalmer)

What they did not want you to ever find out is that your generation, the generation born between 1980-1995, actually outnumbers the Baby Boomers. They knew that if you ever turned your eye towards political reform, you could change the world. They tried to keep you sated on vapid television shows and vapid music. They cut off your education and fed you brain candy. They took away your music and gave you Top Ten pop stations. They cut off your art and replaced it with endless reality shows for you to plug into, hoping you would sit quietly by as they ran the world. We as a society are only as strong as our weakest link. Give ‘em hell, kids. 

I’ve never loved a post so much in the history of tumblr

(Source: katedanley, via happyhealthyhopeful)

(Source: olderoticart, via loveyourchaos)

(Source: andsewfortoday, via loveyourchaos)

neil-gaiman:

assemblethehobbits:

This had made my day!!

Mine too.

Two great authors talking to each other makes MY day.